7- Madison A: Connections Aren't Always Relative

My parents have been divorced for as long as I can remember. In that sense, they’ve been separated in my mind as well. Different houses meant that I now had two of everything- including my relationship with my parents, which was a package deal until they’d split. 

I find my mom to be the so-called ‘leader’ of our family, as well as the most empathetic and thoughtful person to my sister and I’s well-being. Considering the fact that I’ve spent most of my time around her, much of my mom’s habits and beliefs were adopted by me as a child. Even today, our relationship is largely reliant on the ways in which we are similar. She showed me the lone selfies she used to take while hiking- now we hike together. She recommended trash TV shows- every Sunday is now dedicated to Survivor. Much later on, she gave me advice on how I should go about adulthood- I got a job and began working. 

In that sense, we seem to be the same person in different fonts. In other ways, I can’t imagine ever agreeing with her. She’s overly optimistic, in a way that’s borderline toxic, but something that has gotten her to where she is now. Positivity has always seemed to do more damage in my life. The optimism that drives her has only ever suffocated me, and is something I’ll never truly feel comfortable with. Pessimism is realism in my experience, and I feel comforted knowing the worst possible outcome of a situation. This mindset would’ve never worked for her.

 I rarely feel connected to my dad in any sense. I understand that this is a common experience for daughters, and even more so for children of divorced parents. Sometimes, when a person has caused a great deal of pain it seems almost impossible to find similarities in them. I believe that it is fully ok to not connect with your parents, or even enjoy their company. It’s a natural part of life to completely oppose your parents personality, beliefs, or habits, and shouldn’t be something that is mandatory to have a relationship with them. While these differences may build a connection in the future, it is not always guaranteed to blossom in due time. 

Appreciating any admirable quality, no matter how small, has helped me when I’ve felt disassociated with my dad. Beyond the differences, arguments, or even immense pain caused by your parents, it is important to consider what type of person YOU would like to be. What you would change about your parents, avoid in your own life. What you wish you could see from them, do for yourself. Connections aren’t relative to your relationships with them. Although you may always search for more from your parents, they might never meet the standard you set for them. Instead, meet your own standard. Most importantly, give your parents empathy and understanding in their differences. We are all human. With humanity comes the ability to change. Both in yourself and your parents, trust the process and believe in the change.

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